<img style="float: left;" src="http://origin.mid-day.com/images/2024/jul/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="150" height="52" />A Republican and a Democrat walked into a pub&hellip;
&ldquo;So Joe, like all cowards-cum-has beens-cum-octogenarians&hellip; you&rsquo;re backing out of the race with only 100 days to go?&rdquo; Don asked.
&lsquo;Yes Ronald.&rdquo;
&ldquo;The name is Donald.&rdquo;
&lsquo;Whateves, Ron, Don, Con&hellip; same thing.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Are you leaving because I screwed you in the presidential debate or are you scared I&rsquo;ll decimate you in the elections?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dude&hellip; that debate had nothing to do with you, let&rsquo;s be honest, it was an off day, I screwed myself, it was a self -goal.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What&rsquo;s wrong with you, Joe&hellip;your last few months, you&rsquo;ve not been at your sharpest, you mistakenly called Zelensky, Putin&hellip; a serious gaffe, yes?&rdquo;
&lsquo;Yeah, guilty as charged &hellip; Vladmir&hellip; Volodymrr&hellip; I got confused, could&rsquo;ve happened to anyone!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bro Joe, you introduced Kamala Harris as, &lsquo;my Vice President <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/vamos-nats-23366056" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">Donald Trump</a>&rsquo;&hellip; and you calling me your vice president&hellip; What have you got Alzheimer&rsquo;s?&rdquo;
&ldquo;I actually think you&rsquo;da been quite good as my VP&hellip; you may even have learnt a few things- anyway now that I&rsquo;ve dropped out&hellip; who&rsquo;s the oldest guy in the race&hellip; you bro you&mdash; anyway, what&rsquo;s with that weird bandage thing stuck to your whatiscalled&hellip;,&rdquo; Biden chided.
&ldquo;I was shot in the ear, because you and your administration couldn&rsquo;t protect me,&rdquo; Don said.
&ldquo;Have you read the memes, making the rounds- my favourite one is &lsquo;Friends, Republicans, Countrymen&hellip; lend me an ear&rsquo;,&rdquo; Joe needled.
&ldquo;I took a <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/lobo-lobo-aka-imma-boss-off-cuss-23363769" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">bullet for democracy</a>,&rdquo; Don said, sanctimoniously.
&ldquo;You took bullet for democracy? In the ear? That&rsquo;s a real joke&hellip; hahha&hellip; look if you want to talk about &lsquo;a bullet for democracy&rsquo;, Lee Harvey Oswald&rsquo;s three bullets into John F Kennedy, his head rocking back in Jackie&rsquo;s arms, those were three bullets for democracy, Bobbie Kennedy shot by Sirhan Sirhan&hellip; those were bullets for democracy! Even Reagan being hit&hellip; James Hinkley wanting to impress Jodie Foster&hellip; him wanting to get Reagen&rsquo;s attention&hellip; that was a bullet for democracy. Our forefather Abe Lincoln&hellip; that was the original bullet for democracy&mdash; how will history remember your assassination attempt? Was Donald Frump shot in the heart&hellip; the kidney, no his earlobe was slightly touched&hellip; so typical of a man like you, every other assassination attempt on our predecessors, four Presidents died, 12 evaded death but survived with <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/winner-takes-ball-23361210" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">serious injuries</a>&mdash;you got nicked in the ear&hellip; like you would during shaving.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Joe&hellip; at least I had someone shoot at me&hellip;obviously someone cared enough. No one shot at you&hellip; says something, right? I was almost a martyr,&rdquo; Don said.
&lsquo;Your shooter couldn&rsquo;t even shoot straight,&rdquo; Joe said
&ldquo;It was my reflexes&hellip;&nbsp;
Matrix like, I swayed out of the way as it whistled past me,&rdquo; Don said.
&ldquo;At least I didn&rsquo;t stage my <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/news/opinion/article/kana-gaza-23358665" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">own assassination</a>!&rdquo; Joe said.
&ldquo;Joe boy&hellip; that shooter he was aiming for my face..it was my lightning fast reflexes, that I could dodge the bullet.&rdquo;
&ldquo;I tell you one bullet you&rsquo;re never going to dodge, and that bullet is called &lsquo;Kamala Harris&rsquo;&mdash;how will you take her on&hellip; she&rsquo;s everything that frightens you&mdash;she&rsquo;s a woman, she&rsquo;s part black, she&rsquo;s part Jamaican, and she suddenly makes you seem old. A woman in the fray is a game changer&hellip; you were all set to battle a 81 year old, now that&rsquo;s dropped to 59! Frumpie&hellip; I&rsquo;m out of this race, but now I&rsquo;m going to sit and watch Kamala trump you, pardon the pun.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Look, Joe,&rdquo; Don began.
&ldquo;Dude&hellip; I know you and your brand of &lsquo;uncouth&rsquo;&mdash;but over the next 100 days, it&rsquo;ll be fun to watch her run rings around you, I know that a chauvinist misogynist like you, how are you gonna handle a woman like Kamala?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Well I managed Hilary right?&rdquo; Don said.
&ldquo;This one is different&mdash; One final thing Donnie boy&hellip; one thing I can assure you that Kamala Harris will aim for MAGA.&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Make America Great Again&hellip; yes, indeed,&rdquo; Don said.
&ldquo;No no as far as we are concerned&mdash; MAGA is&hellip; Madman Again? Go Away!&rdquo;
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

“Are you leaving because I screwed you in the presidential debate or are you scared I’ll decimate you in the elections?”

Don vs Joe

Trending Stories

Latest Photos

Latest Videos

Latest Web Stories

Mid-Day Fast

Home / News / Opinion / Article / Don vs Joe

Don vs Joe

Trending Stories

Latest Photos

Latest Videos

Latest Web Stories

Mid-Day Fast