You never thought it would come to this. You always believed you gave your children the best possible upbringing, raising them in the grand Indian tradition where papa knows best, mama does the heavy lifting and children speak only when spoken to. These are Indian cultural values, the best in the world. You might even have suggested that Indians are a master race, and that your offspring could become famous and rich one day like you if they followed your advice. From time to time, of course, you might have cracked the whip a little too hard. That’s tradition too.

But now they’re 28 and they’ve ghosted you, blocked you on WhatsApp, and openly call you bad and abusive parents to your face, saying you traumatised them, retarded their growth and destroyed their self-esteem, all after you put them through a costly education at Yale or Oxford.

What bosh! you think to your wife. We were never like that. We gave them our best. What you want is their gratitude and appreciation. Instead, they’re giving you punishment and estrangement.