To Toto’s, with sobriety and love

Okay trivia Q for Bombayites Exactly where would you be in the city if standing before a Volkswagen Beetle numberplate BLI 1196Easy Inside Totorsquos Garage Pub Specifically at the corner of a congested Pali Naka slightly atop Bandra the empress of Bombayrsquos suburbsThat Beetle is for real It was physically rolled in to hang over the bar Irsquom told by Bollywood setdesigner Bijon Das Gupta for the pubrsquos motorgarage look By the Beetle is the front of a Maruti Omni jutting out of a wall with the numberplate 1992mdashthatrsquos when Totorsquos was born Dec 29 to be preciseA year after that in Dec 1993 Ghetto came up in Breach Candymdashas if it was an outpostanswer to Totorsquos in lsquotownrsquo Itrsquos an unrelated bar of the same vibegenre playing western rock pop classics to thirsty lsquofaithfulsrsquo foreverIn fact the vintage halfOmni on Totorsquos wall houses the resident DJ Colin who I didnrsquot even know existed until I found out two nights ago And Irsquove been going to Totorsquos for almost 20 of its 30 yearsWhat do you need a DJ for when the playlist is the samemdashand why shouldnrsquot that be anyway Is your preferred drink the bizarrely tall barstool or bartenders in lsquononbesharamrsquo saffron overalls any differentAlso Read 4403891 steps to change IndiaEven Kamlesh the lsquocigarette guyrsquo off the gate set up his stall about six months after Totorsquos opened its doors Itrsquos the same oldman at the Totorsquos door too who walks across to check if Irsquove been fineIrsquod fallen sick Havenrsquot been drinking lately He knows thatmdasha bit like an unobtrusive guardian Supreme comfort in such samenessAlso do the relatively nofrill bars survive for longer because the music they play is equally ageless Itrsquos certainly true for rsquo80s hits at On Toes in Juhumdashthatrsquos even older than Ghetto and TotorsquosSame with Cafeacute Mondegar Mondyrsquos their contemporary in Colaba WTF in Versova touching 14 is getting there too Most of their faroff or neighbouring barsrivals have come and gone sinceI was at Totorsquos on its 30th birthday It was like any other night The immortals it appears donrsquot make a deal of landmark anniversariesTotorsquos founder Ashok Totlani an elderly sober gentleman familiar to regulars passed away on November 18 2022 His son equally quiet wellread Aloke has replaced him professionally There is a plaque lsquoToto Unclersquomdashbetween European American Indian car numberplatesmdashby the loodoor to commemorate Mr Totlani on whom Totorsquos is namedThe Totlanis are also the reason CAs of Totorsquos frequent customers have wondered over yearsmdashwhat is this asset their clients keep parking into Totlani Investments Pvt Ltd for every other dayweek thatrsquos never seen any returns Totlani Investments is on the bill you pay for drinks at TotorsquosDonrsquot go by the looks Between the door dilapidated Beetle and Omni Totorsquos is the size of a basic Bombay bedroom The bill on your lap could be heavy still As with all bars in Mumbai priced the same as Manhattan and at least twicethrice more than rest of India Because realestatersquos a killer Worse are alcohol excise rates by the citystate govtmdashthatrsquos determined to overtax plus overregulate any kinda outletentertainment for overworked uppermiddleclasses Artificial inflation to make up for the pandemicrsquos losses has made drinkingeating out worse stillTotorsquos of course could make even more if it turned into a chain ldquoOne heart One Totorsquosrdquo thatrsquos what you will overhear its cofounder Laju Bhatia saymdashusually hanging in the openair section in Hawaiian shirts and dark glasses Hersquos declined offers to expand into malls other sitescitiesLaju Bhai or Mr Bhatia is the poet Aloke like his father Mr Totlani a proper proprietor These two personalitytypes probably make for the best business pairItrsquos commercially prudent to leave aloneuntouched a gravy train cruising on its lsquopatrirsquotracks People over generations with families and homes in other cities show up at Totorsquos like college alumni all the time Along with usual suspects and daily tourists Kingfisher on tap is the same everywhere Maybe they eagerly return for staples on the foodmenu chicken in edible wire mesh keema pav bunomelette Hell yeah But really NoTotorsquos is a lsquoscenersquo What determines that Chiefly crowds on weekdays Totorsquos is packed Monday onwards Also peoplemdashwho come not just with old friends but to make new ones on occasion starting with Mr Bhatia or Aloke if you maySuch neighbourhood institutions are rare in India Still more in Bombay than elsewhere Restaurants canrsquot replicate that vibe Coffeeshops come close but they often appear like workplacesWhere else that feels like home can you silently if in solitude casually riff off the energy of others from a distance as if at a cinema or concert Usual nightlife scenes change of course especially among the youngHow do you know a scene has evolved into an institution though When the more recurring lastnames saved on your phone are WTF Wongrsquos Woodside etcIrsquom thinking all this sipping warm water with friends at Totorsquosmdashlike Harivanshrai Bachchan who wrote Madhushala the ultimate ode to a watering hole while a complete teetotaller himself Itrsquos not the booze silly Itrsquoll always be about the barMayank Shekhar attempts to make sense of mass culture He tweets mayankw14Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper