Indian stand-up comics open up about navigating the complexities of dating

Dinner dates end up being post midnight Quality time on weekends holidays and special days like Valentinersquos Day are all cancelled Dates wonder whether theyrsquoll be a punchline in their next act Some have an artist fetish and want to pair up because itrsquos ldquocoolrdquoDating a standup comic is not for the easily offended Romance often takes a back seat to punchlines Itrsquos rougher when on tour and tougher if you are in the arranged marriage market Ask a comic and they will tell you what a rollercoaster their dating life can beAakash MehtaAakash MehtaRelationship status Married to his date from an appldquoIf theyrsquore like lsquoOh my God Irsquom a fanrsquothatrsquos usually a turnoffrdquo says Aakash MehtaWhen Mehta met his nowwife in 2020 she had no clue who he was As an established comic it was refreshing for himAs 2020 was the year of the pandemic lockdowns Mehta and his partner had ample time with each other The lack of travel meant no touring mdash a change from the peripatetic life where he says it is natural for the partner to wonder ldquoWho is this crazy person who will talk to me daily but he will see me once or twice He will say letrsquos meet after the show And hersquos here today he is somewhere else tomorrowrdquoMehta began going on tour when the lockdown ended and the two got married in 2023 ldquoSo my wife and I didnrsquot have a dating life per se I was touring 180190 days a year it was just patience I think that really helpedrdquo He also took his wife on tour once to help her better understand what all it entails and why tours can be rough on personal lifeAs dinner dates can be tough to plan with any comic Mehta and his wife go out on weekend afternoons or mornings ldquoI love going to movies and not talking just enjoying the movie Or I like to go to a place that there is a lot to look athellip anything that involves a walk I really like going to museumsrdquoHe wouldnrsquot go to a comedy show on a date although he says itrsquos a good first date idea because it shows what your date finds funny or has a stance on Ankur TangadeAnkur TangadeRelationship status Single but hopefulldquoBecause I am a female comic a man will try to be funnier on the date I donrsquot know why they think itrsquos a competitionrdquo says Ankur TangadeTangade remembers instances where her nowexs were offended by her jokes on stage ldquoOnce a guy told me lsquoHumare ghar me toh Muslim ya Dalit bahu laa nahin saktersquo and he said this despite knowing I am Dalit So obviously I wrote about it Another was offended because I made a joke out of his motherrsquos comment I have this joke where I sayhellip lsquoHum chtiye hain hum mutton chai ke cup mein khaate hainrsquo We are fools we eat mutton from a tea cup I wrote this after he told me his mother would not even drink tea at my house because shersquos a vegetarianrdquo she saysFrom dating men who have an lsquoartist fetishrsquo to those interested only in gossip about other comics and even ones who have showcased antiDalit sentiments mdash Tangade has seen it all But she eventually finds humour in it When people remark on her queer or Dalit identity Tangade breaks down ldquoEven when I am crying I know this is going to be good material itrsquos going to be funny and I will make a joke of it someday But I donrsquot write till I am calm I need my anger to subside firstrdquo she saysDating often brings with it a lot of chaos and drama ldquoItrsquos exhausting to meet someone itrsquos even difficult to meet a friend I used to see a lot of male comics go on dates after a show and I was just working So I tried it out but I am focused on work a lotrdquo she says adding that apart from comedy she also works in theatre and with NGOsThe virality of her profession is another challenge for Tangade ldquoI get 90 per cent hate comments I have told my parents to not engage even if the comment or message is positive In the future if I am dating a nonartist I will tell them that toordquoMohammed Hussain says he and wife Mariyam go on getaways during the week lsquoItrsquos cheaper toorsquo PicNimesh DaveMohammed HussainRelationship status Married to a family friendMohammed Hussain was arranged to marry Mariyam when he was just 19 In their Kutchi Memon family itrsquos culturally acceptable to marry early but Hussain found it odd Eventually the two married when they were aged 24 and 22 in December 2019Hussain was not a comic then At first he moved to Mumbai for a job and only later did he work on entering the standup comedy circuit around 2020 ldquoI am from a business family so my parents were worried about what our finances would look likerdquo says Hussain and jokes that his wife was secure because she had access to his his fatherrsquos and her fatherrsquos credit cards whenever she neededldquoMy father used to call me daily asking how much I earned that nightrdquo he saysWhat was Mariyamrsquos reaction to his career jump ldquoI was already living the dream so I didnrsquot mindrdquo she gushes adding ldquoWe knew each other since we were kids and I always had a bit of a crush on him So I was married to my crushrdquo She assured both families that they would try out a life in Mumbai for two years and return home if things didnrsquot work outThe two were dealt a wild card instead Mariyam grew on Instagram working as a fashion stylist and creator Hussain too collected a large following for his comedy online and offline Now you will see them create funny content together as well apart from working on their own contentDoes this impact their relationship or date night in anyway ldquoProfessionally we are still figuring out how to work on brand deals that require us both to be in a video Personally as we are both freelancers itrsquos easy to plan dates on weekdays We go on getaways during the week itrsquos cheaper toordquo says HussainWe are comics and we are funny but thatrsquos not all that we are says Devanshi Shah PicShadab KhanDevanshi ShahRelationship status Single on Hinge and in the arranged marriage market tooWhen Devanshi Shah participated in an arranged marriage group meetup she was asked ldquoYou are here for material rightrdquoShah explains that arranged marriage meetups usually witness people who are themselves traditional So as someone with an unconventional career this itself works against her ldquoI donrsquot say I am a comic if people recognise me thatrsquos differentrdquo she says Shah says that shersquos either a subject of awe a means to a free ticket or a conduit to meet another famous comic ldquoWe are comics and we are funny but thatrsquos not all that we arerdquo she saysParents looking for a lsquobahursquo often reject Shah from the getgo ldquoA working woman is anyway a lsquonorsquo to regressive or traditional families To top that I work laterdquo she says When Shahrsquos parents first began looking for a partner for her they were hellbent on her quitting comedy altogether ldquoI think my parents are now understanding that the pool of people in an arranged marriage setup are not compatible to merdquo she saysShah presents some upsides to dating a comic ldquoIf both partners donrsquot work the same hours itrsquos easier to take care of the house and kids That way one person is always homerdquo As for dates she says she can always pick shows she wants to perform at and skip the ones where she needs to prioritise other aspects of her lifeHow does she navigate what to keep out of her act ldquoI have never spoken about a current relationship Itrsquos also easy you can always put a spin on it and say itrsquos an ex But I do fully support having a healthy conversation about nogo areas with your partner Tell them the joke beforehand and keep it open Else someone could take it as backstabbing Itrsquos just a better way to avoid resentmentrdquoRaunaq RajaniRaunaq RajaniRelationship status Married to his longtime sweetheartldquoMy motherinlaw is very curious and cultured She knows all about GenZ culture and she had consumed comics like Chris Rock and had nuanced opinionshellip I think that really worked in my favourrdquo says Raunaq RajaniStarting off with openmic nights at 16 Rajanirsquos partner saw him through his career from the getgo The two began dating at 18 and got married at 25 ldquoI studied media and then law Later I worked in real estate then at a PR company But then I was 21ndash22 the jobs were not paying me as much as standup wouldrdquo he saysHis partner too was used to seeing him on stage and accustomed to the motions of the comic way of life With college work and standup the two had little time together when they were dating ldquoWhat she started doing was she used to come with me to all the open nights every time I had a show she would come with me It became a jokehellip Biswa Kalyan Rath another standup comedian would laugh lsquoRaunaq has come with his ghostwriterrsquo The ride back home would be our lsquotogetherrsquo timerdquo he saysRajani also openly jokes about his life often getting the audience to crack up on something his fatheror motherinlaw have said He admits being worried earlier but his wife has granted him an lsquoimplied permissionrsquo and pushed him to be himself on stage ldquoMy motherinlaw if shersquos part of a set takes it as flatteryrdquoAnand RathnamAnand RathnamRelationship status Single and off the apps for nowldquoDuring the earlier stages of my career I had this need to impress and I was always trying to be funnyrdquo says Anand Rathnam talking about his dating experienceRathnam eventually realised that itrsquos rude to interrupt and be funny and stopped ldquoDating apps can be a lot of work so I am off them right nowrdquo he saysRathnamrsquos parents though once arranged a meetup for marriage ldquoMy parents lied that I work as a civil engineer though thatrsquos a job I left a long time ago I didnrsquot want to lie so I told the girlrsquos parents the truth It got hellipawkwardrdquo As for her reaction ldquoShe didnrsquot know what standup comedy was It was funny to have to explain my profession to someonerdquo he says Was he rejected only because of his profession ldquoI hope sordquo he laughsAfter that Rathnamrsquos matrimonial profile has not received any hits ldquoI can understandhellip No Indian parent is looking at lsquostandup comicrsquo as a viable professionrdquoIn the world of dating though Rathnam has managed to go out with women who have been understanding of his workAs for dates becoming part of his material Rathnam says ldquoI always conceal their identity In longterm relationships itrsquos easier because your partner understands that a joke is exaggerated or they know the joke beforehandrdquoatOptionskeyd0ddb8ef8f1a62a8cdd22fac27fc5ea7formatiframeheight90width728params